yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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