The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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