just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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