go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dicks are not precious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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