it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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