Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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