In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
