Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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