I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
