Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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