she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
