Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
