you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
