five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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