worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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