it wasn't lemon gatorade
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
