And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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