Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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