My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
