i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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