I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
