every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize