does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize