The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
