What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
