The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
