the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
