it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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