You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
