I just saw a hot homeless man
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize