I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
