Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
