Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
