the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
