You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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