Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize