What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
