I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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