if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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