We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
