It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
