Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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