I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize