I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
