You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we made out on top of his cat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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