Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
