My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
