Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
