the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
