I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
