i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
