he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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