sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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