the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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