the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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