i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
