he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
