So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
