god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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