I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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