Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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