I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize