I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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