he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
