I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
